Expectations in couple relationships

couple relationships

Excessive expectations can create serious problems to the stability of a romantic couple relationships. They are a real trap that is best avoided.

Couple relationships are undoubtedly one of the most important aspects of life. Maybe that’s why they often cause some headaches. But why do many people end up getting caught up in complicated and suffocating love stories? One of the main reasons is the expectations that, in the long run, become a real trap.

Surely you too will have an idea of how a perfect love story could be. In most cases, however, we tend to abandon the sphere of reality, imagining and idealizing the partner not for what it is, but for how we want it to be. We end up creating a high number of expectations that are inevitably not met. Repeatedly.

When a story begins to take flight, the imagination can escape control, causing disappointment and bitterness. Until when love comes, that is the moment when the wrong comparison between “ideal” and “real” appears evident. In the face of this, many people decide to throw in the towel, since they do not accept to give up the dream they have created.

Because expectations cause problems

Some human behaviors can cause pain and suffering. Albert Ellis, the father of rational emotional therapy, said that what causes pain is not what happens. On the contrary, the fault lies in what we tell ourselves about what happened.

As soon as we start a new relationship, we know exactly how we want it to be. But if our new partner starts to disappoint our expectations, even a small part, this will produce a lot of anger and frustration in us. And here are negative thoughts such as: “I can’t take it anymore, I can’t stand it!” Or “It behaves strangely, it’s changed”.

couple relationships

Simply with a trivial example, it is clear that expectations represent a dangerous trap for every couple relationships. The problem is complicated because our expectations are often secret, that is, they are not shared with the partner. Unfortunately, most people “hope” that the other person will understand for himself how to behave. And this inevitably complicates things.

A real repentance triggers, as soon as expectations are broken, we wonder why we started this relationship. But is it really necessary? Is there any alternative to this behavior, so useless and harmful for our well-being?

Avoid the negative consequences of expectations

Here are some suggestions that will allow us to keep the trap of expectations in our couple relationships …

1- Be more flexible

Sometimes it seems that we look for the partner following the shopping list. We establish a series of requirements that the other person must meet at all costs, demonstrating a rigidity that we do not even use with ourselves. This is very unfair. The problem is that human beings are rarely perfect, so it is almost impossible for someone to fully meet the expectations created around an ideal partner.

Let’s stop trying to find someone 100% perfect: it doesn’t exist. Instead, let’s try to live the moment with a little more naturalness. Having expectations is fine, but we need to make sure they are not too rigid and focus on those aspects that are really important to you.

2- Explain what is not negotiable

However, what has been said so far does not mean that we must be satisfied. On the contrary, it is essential to ask ourselves what we really want, bringing our limits to light (and recognizing our faults). After identifying the one we are not willing to give up, it’s time to talk about it with the partner.

This way, he will know exactly what bothers us. It will be much easier to avoid arguments and arguments. And, almost magically, those we considered to be insurmountable problems will disappear, giving the relationship a new opportunity for growth.

3- Ask the partner to tell us about his faults

It is very positive to also know the point of view of the other. In order for the relationship to be truly functional, we must discover and be aware of the shortcomings and limitations of the person next to us. The easiest way to do this is, of course, to use dialogue.

Unfortunately, not everyone is honest about what is really important to their well-being. Therefore, if you see that your partner falters or is unable to tell you what he really needs and what bothers him, you will have to help him do it. Only by knowing its points of conflict can you avoid together the problems created by the expectations that can trap the relationship?


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