When a feeling of indifference towards the partner begins to manifest itself, it means that the time has come to ask important questions. Is it time to put a point to the report?
We prepare food. We put ourselves at the table. My partner is sitting in front of me. We eat, and in the meantime we watch television. Let’s chat about our day. He takes a drink of water. Looks at me. We look at each other. We’ve been together for years. We smile at each other. He tells me some stories about his family. I watch him carefully as I eat in silence. I love. It’s an important part of my life. However, I feel that we are no longer on the same wavelength. I would never want something bad to happen to him, but now nothing is the same as before.
Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Indifference to the partner is a complex and painful subject.
When indifference towards the partner is felt more and more often and more intensely, it begins to go hand in hand with a feeling of malaise that ends up taking over our state of mind and our body. What happens to us? What has changed? Is love over? Have we become victims of monotony?
Although nothing special happened, the magical connection of the past seems to have vanished. Expressions like “more than a couple look like two friends” or “I see it more as a sister than as a girlfriend” are the order of the day for many couples. Is it really time to close the relationship or is there still a hope of being able to rekindle the flame of love?
Indifference towards the partner: Do we no longer love each other?
Love is a concept with abstract nuances. We are the ones who give this word much of its meaning. If we stick to the Buddhist definition, love is the desire that all beings be happy and have reason to be happy. From this point of view, it is possible that love is not finished, because even if in appearance we feel indifference towards our partner, in reality we wish him all the good possible.
However, the change exists and cannot be ignored. Our desires for him are the best, we simply have no more pleasure in sharing our life with him.
Perhaps it would be more correct to say that romantic love is over. We have stopped seeing our partner as a life partner and now we see him simply as someone who is by our side, but who cannot give us that much. We force ourselves to listen to what he has to say to us, making an effort of will, but without interest. We do not try to carve out time for intimacy. The sexual relations are passed in the second – if not third, or even better decimo- plan.
Couple relationships “the two members that compose it must build a particular identity able to integrate and give space to both individualities, which is not easy”. According to this approach, when both members stop forming a common identity, they run the risk of seeing the couple crumble.
There is a time for everything
The romantic idea that a relationship must last forever against any obstacle can be very harmful. Not all relationships have the same duration. Furthermore, it is necessary to understand that those that last less are not necessarily better.
Projecting high expectations about the duration of a relationship can end up being counterproductive; in such situations, at times, we find ourselves placing great hopes in situations that do not offer us real satisfaction.
On the other hand, it is not so easy to put a point to a relationship. As points out, “the risk of loss generates anxiety, and emotional loss causes sadness and anger”. Therefore, despite the feeling of indifference towards the partner, the idea of losing it can cause anxiety, sadness and anger. Experiencing the feeling of losing someone we love, although it does not fully satisfy us, causes us anxiety and discomfort.
Anxiety or the feeling of discomfort are common phenomena within a separation, regardless of which of the two has taken the initiative. Therefore, if we can accept certain emotions as normal and transient, overcoming the break will be much easier for us.
And now? We must learn to feel good on our own
When indifference towards the partner leads to the end of a relationship, many people ask “what do I do now?” Some people choose the way of the “nail drive out nail”, meaning they feel the need to fill this void by throwing themselves headlong into a new relationship.
Others prefer to be alone for a while. However, when a relationship ends, the best option is to learn – or get back to work or better – to be with yourself. In this way, a new relationship is avoided due to a mere question of dependency.
Many people are unable to live without someone on their side. Romantic as it may seem, a high factor of emotional dependence lies behind this need.
Many people are terrified at the idea of being alone with themselves, of not having anyone to embrace, having to listen to their thoughts and understand what they want or not. They have an inner emptiness that they try to fill with affections from the outside: for this reason they will hardly find a person who really succeeds, and they are so condemned to live a relationship destined to end soon.