James Bond and the embarrassing Garage incident

“I’m really, very Sorry Q” Said James Bond 007 licence to kill etc.

“Oh, are you really Double O seven. Well that makes it all alright then doesn’t it? I mean, sure, out in the field if you wish to destroy one of the cars I’ve modified for you, then that I can understand but to trash one before you’ve even got it out of the Lab!” It was Q who spoke, loudly. He was annoyed as a top of the range Aston Martin DB10 now had its entire front end smashed in, the air bags deployed, and all of the gadgets fountaining oil, smoke, caltrop spikes and (Q cursed the agent for this) Vodka Martini. He looked at the worlds greatest secret agent and asked him “How did you manage to drive it into the Garage?”

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“In my defence Q, it didn’t open when I drove straight at it”, replied Bond, looking as if this answered everything.

“I can see that. I’m now obliged to employ a firm that can provide me with a new Bespoke Oak Carport! Get on the web and and check out sites like http://www.bespoaktimberframes.co.uk/portfolio_page/oak-carport/  Said Q as the erstwhile Agent, who could see how this was going, went off to check out the website immediately.

“Tell me Bond, when you did, as you say, “drove straight at it” what was your thoughts at the time?”, asked Q.

“Well”, said Bond, trying desperately to ignore the fact that Q had actually done the speech marks thing with his fingers. “I thought, this is the International exports technical lab. In this very room I’ve been given a car that turned into a Submarine, pens that shoot poison or allow me to breath under water, Jetpacks, watches with a little chainsaw or with a magnet, very handy that one, tiny helicopters with massive machine guns in the front and even a laser gun! Therefore, I assumed that you just might have an automatic door system that, when faced with a great big lump of fancy car coming towards it, would open. Instead, I find a door that remains stubbornly down. When a DB10 hits it, there can only be one outcome and it’s the one you see before you now.” Answered Bond, quite fully.

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Q was at a loss. First of all, he could not remember half the things the mad geniuses they employed came up with but, primarily, he was surprised to find that Bond had spoken more than 2 lines of speech in one go. Not for the first time, Q began to understand why it was so many foreign powers and organisations wanted to do Bond in. He was deeply annoying. What made it worse was that he was right, an automatic door would have been cooler. He needed a comeback, this was all he had. Maybe we should just get a Bespoke Oak Carport like i mentioned before and not have to worry about doors.

“You now what happens when you assume Bond? You make and ass out of you and me.” Satisfied he went off to get a nice cup of tea.


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