Communication is the basis of every relationship, be it of friendship or love, and represents one of the best ways to really know who we have in part. However, being able to listen to what the other is communicating to us is a very difficult task, especially within the loving couple, so much so that it is often one of the elements that leads to the breakdown of relationships.
First of all, what does active listening mean? Active Listening does not simply mean “feeling”, but being able to associate an active involvement with what the other is expressing, becoming in tune with him thanks to his empathic abilities, which allow us to “put ourselves in the other’s shoes” and understand his point of view, while recognizing, at times, how it differs from ours.
Let’s see 8 small tips to stimulate active listening within the couple …
1 – Ask questions instead of imposing requests and commands
Any concept can be expressed in different forms and this makes it take on different meanings. For example, instead of saying “stop sending work emails”, you might ask: “do you still have a lot of work emails to send? I would like you to spend some time together”.
2 – Ask questions instead of accusing
Avoiding generalizations and accusations is a fundamental aspect to promote communication within the couple. It is always better to jump to conclusions with phrases like “you never listen to me”, “you don’t understand me”, “you don’t care what I say”. Let’s try instead to understand why the other with us listens / understands. Sometimes you just need to ask.
3 – Do not confuse being with doing
None of us likes to be labeled with negative adjectives: “you are messy, unreliable, inattentive, etc.” Each of us has flaws, but sometimes we make mistakes that do not necessarily come from our way of being, but are simply a consequence of the situations in which we find ourselves. It is more than normal, and even fair, to blame the partner for some faults that weigh on us, but it is better to do so by focusing on behavior, rather than attributing it to one negative characteristic of the other. For example, instead of saying “you’re inattentive”, let’s try to say “I see you find it hard to be careful, why?”
4 – Learn to manage emotions
One of the most important goals is to become capable of expressing one’s emotions. Any emotion that creates discomfort must be communicated without blaming the other, but in an assertive way, that is clear and effective, while respecting the other.
5 – Discuss one topic at a time
As already written with respect to the arguments, it is useless to want to discuss several things at the same time: it only increases the risk of forgetting the objectives of the discussion. It is always better to concentrate on one aspect at a time.
6 – N on generalize
Let us put aside the ever and never, hardly reflect reality.
7 – Being transparent does not mean being brutal
It’s okay to communicate our thoughts and emotions to the other person, but this does not mean throwing up everything that comes into our head without worrying about how it can make us feel.
8 – Consistency first of all
The tone of the voice, the look, the expression of the face, all of us must be in tune with what we are expressing. Non-verbal communication has a fundamental role in relationships and serves as a check for the other of what we are telling him. To be clear and understandable, it is good to be consistent first of all.